my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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