the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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