My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I could fuck to npr.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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