fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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