you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize