he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I want is dick and wine.
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