you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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