So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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