im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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