If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize