Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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