Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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