Non-Jews are for practice
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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