so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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