i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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