Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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