watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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