Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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