I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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