It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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