apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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