There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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