I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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