it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize