Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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