dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
4 words: hood of his car
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize