I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm getting married
To pizza
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize