What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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