I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize