somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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