The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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