If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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