I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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