I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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