Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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