Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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