I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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