Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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