Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize