Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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