Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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