fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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