when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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