I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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