I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize