Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize