I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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