i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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