Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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