She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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