i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize